Hollow

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

-From T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men"

I hate to watch this blog spiral hopelessly into an angsty abyss of teenage ramblings, but there it is. So it goes, yes?

I feel so empty and hollow most of the time. I'm sure it's just an accumulation of stress and bad happenings. Yet, I can't seem to get out of this hole I'm in. A giant crappy hole of CRAP. Yes, I did just type that.*

On the bright side, this is my senior year. I have my college picked out, TTU here I come! I'll get to live in a dorm away from home next year, and though I love my family, I desperately need some space. My boyfriend goes there, so I can see him more than two days a week. (Thank God.)

So, hopefully I'll be on here in the next week saying, "SCREW ELIOT!" (No offense, T.S.)

So, I leave you with some Sandburg.

"Bubbles"

Two bubbles found they had rainbows on their curves.
They flickered out saying:
"It was worth being a bubble just to have held that rainbow thirty seconds."

Is this brief life we have worth living? Just for our thirty seconds of rainbow and joy?



*My brain has become increasingly lethargic. Obviously, if it was working correctly then the phrase, "Crappy hole of CRAP" would not be in existence.

Unreality

So, senior year is here, yes? The overwhelming weight of decisions is crashing down on me, which college? What career? With what money?? My brother is all for joining the Air Force. My mom's starting to get pre-empty nest syndrome...So all goes, in the land of Me and Melancholy.

Just pessmistic in the extreme right now. It also feels like the REAL world is pressing down on my conscience. By REAL I mean, the reality of everything that is out there. That there are more bad people than good. That there is more sinning than any good deeds. All of this is being pounded into my head by my mother, my head feels much like a mortar and The Mother has the pestle.

If there is so many bad things what is there to live for? To strive for? Will all of my endeavors to make life better for someone not be shot down?

I hope not. Thankfully, I have a firm belief in the unrealistic. Because Unreality is where you will find all of life's happy endings. I know too, that people who walk between the worlds of Reality and Unreality, find the barrier thin. Some people can even pull things through it. I can only hope to join their ranks.

Bring Back The Code

Why have all the people gone and left behind monsters in their stead? Because surely man would not lead a life of this sort? This sad and depraved existence where trust is idiocy and loyalty a pipe dream.

Where are the brotherhoods? The convents and cults? Even these things were held together by tradition. Now all that's left is new. New. Is that so good? This new thing that blows all tradition to the wind, leaving humanity without anything to ground themselves. When do we know where to begin? When?!

Bring back codes of chivalry and oaths of honor, because these things are noble. What the world needs...What *I* neeed is just a little hope that there are higher values and noble ideals left. Just a little hope.

Emo Folk Band

Ahhh, yet another week in the epic quest that is my life. New epic quest theme music of the week? The Mountain Goats.

Lyric excerpt from No Children:

I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die


See? Emo Folk.

So it goes.

So, about all that philosophy club stuff I've been working on.(Which I don't think I ever mentioned. Think lots of reading caused sleep deprivation.) Yeah, pretty much worth *toilet flushing sound here* So it goes.

The problem is, it's high school. There aren't many kids with a large grasp of philosophical concepts, me included. The ones that do are usually introverts lurking in the corners. Bunch of freaking late bloomers! Why weren't you at Philosophy Club?!!

Problem number two is, how do you approach it? Do you go in there full-on teachy mode and lecture about it? Ugh. Discuss it in true Socratic method? Yay! but see problem one.

Then there's the problem of 'What to discuss?'. We have a couple of people jumping at, 'What's the meaning of life?' Which truly...Is there a *worse* topic? Then you have the bozos asking stoner questions, "If the door is closed on a room, and no one is in the room...Is the room still there?!"*

It's going to work. I just didn't realize there were quite so many details.

*Thanks to Mr.F for that one.

Random Fanfic Excerpt

I love all the Harry Potter fanfiction out there that desprately tries to save Snape. Or, if it was published right after The Half Blood Prince, try to view him in a better light. Anyhow, I read this in a fic earlier and it cracked me up. So, I share.

"Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape had been hastily pardoned following a rather noisy meeting between Remus Lupin, Poppy Pomfrey and a furious Rufus Scrimgeour. Apparently, on the night that Draco let a bunch of crazy Death Eaters into Hogwarts, Dumbledore was half-dead from a Horcrux related curse and definitely on his way out after Harry had force fed him a nasty dose of poison. Unfortunately, the green sparks Snape managed to shoot in Dumbledore’s direction while shouting, ‘Abracadabra!’ caused the wildly hallucinating old man to overbalance and fall off the Astronomy Tower."


HAHAHAHA! Don't know why, but that is freaking hilarious in my head.

Pulls It Together

Okay, due to school, band, newspaper, and being generally overwhelmed with school...I haven't paid attention to anything going on. Haven't read anything. My life is empty!!!

But hey, I'm back on it and have a stack of books to read. I shall begin to return...to err...here? Yeah.

Senior Year: Day 1

Yes, indeed, today was the first day of my SENIOR year. Yes, you read those all caps right. I would elaborate on it with great and witty detail, but honestly...I was so sleepy through most of it I can't remember.

Yeah. Go to sleep at 4 and get up at 12 all summer and you're not going to cope well once school starts back up.

So, brief and uneventful synopsis of my day.

Got up this morning at 5:20 in hopes of getting to school early. This because I want a decent parking spot. Nigh impossible if you get there after 7:45. I got there at 7:40. I could have been there early only I had an attack of " I know I'm forgetting something!"
Which tends to make me ridiculously late.

Spent an hour and a half in the cafeteria doing nothing because I don't have a first period. Yeah.

(Explanation: I have a small high school with a large amount of people at it. This causes there not to be a enough room/classes. Therefore if you have all the classes you need then they aren't going to push you to take more. And since nothing conveniently fits into my schedule I gots nothing.)

My second period was spent in the gym with about four other classes because I was supposed to be in our portable trailers.

(Explanation: Due to our extreme overcrowding we had to get a 'temporary' fix of some trailers. They got trailers. Installed them. Made elaborate walkways. Temporary my foot. To avoid potential humiliation from neighboring high schools we do not refer to them as 'trailers'. Please. Islands or cottages will be acceptable.)

My third period was English and spent making a descriptive book about myself out of two sheets of computer paper. Yes, I am in fact an artistic genius. I have the stick figures to prove it. Unfortunately, the epic English Teacher was not there today. I can only guess that he had a doctor's appointment. He recently has had cancer and I'm not for sure if he's done with it.

Fourth Period. Newspaper. Spent listening to Ferrellonius wax about the awesomeenss of our new site which should cut down our tree killing from 7 issues a year to 3.

Fifth period would be Mythology. Spent listening to Ferrellonius outline what he planned on doing his first year teaching the class.

Sixth Period. Band. Did nothing due to first dayness and had to sit in the band room while the screams of 140 other students wafted gently about my head. Ah, home sweet band.

So, there you go, my first day of senior year semi-permanently written down.

Set Ye Cursed Sun!

Indeed. I am ready for the sun to fully set on the Twilight books. No I haven't read them, but I keep seeing messages from it's little fan-clubs (which seem to be shrill little emo girls.) that go like this, " Harry Potter sucks, Twilight is better."

Oh. Oh no, you didn't!

That's right, my friends, those you-know-whats insulted MY books and then think they can get away with it!

*seethes*

But really. Come on, does insulting some other series get your point across annoying fan-girls of lame-ness? I shall go forth (maybe) and read these books if I get the free time. Just so I can give people the thumbs up or down when they ask about it. I judge not the series yet. Just the fans of the series. xD Sorry, innocent bystanders.

School Begins. My Life Goes.

I learn by going where to go.

School starts this coming Monday. I'm happy that it's starting because then I don't have to find things to do with myself. There are only so many times you need to reread Tamora Pierce. I learned how to knit though! (There are only so many times you can make a scarf...) Anyhow, I just thought it would be a heads up. Between band camp and about to start school etc. I haven't been able to read as much. Which makes me sad.

On the bright side: Mythology! Senior English! Newspaper! Band...(!)?

Married To My Books

Since band camp has started I've now been able to see a good deal of my friends. This means I have new opportunities to foist books off in their directions. All in the hopes of them reading, enjoying, and being enlightened by them. Mostly to just share the complete awe inspiring thing that is literature.

Now I have a problem. You see...I get emotionally attached to my books. I lend books to friends who I trust, but no others. Still, there's no way I'd let someone walk off with Beauty or Lady Knight. (Yeah, my stronger attachments are to fantasy books. Surprise!)

I REALLY want one of my friends to read As Simple As Snow, but am unwilling to part with it. Ridiculous? Yes. Known cure? No. Still, give me a week or two and I'll bite the bullet and just let him borrow it. I mean, what price is too great to share such things? *coughs* My books. *coughs*

Sorry. Cold. *Shifty look*

Randy Pausch, 47

Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture, died Friday. This makes me sad. I really hoped that he would get through it, especially after reading his book. It's worth the read. Amazingly uplifting to be written about dieing.

I Ramble, Therefore I Am

Okay, the school year is here. My senior year of high school . Screaming seems to be the call of the day, but I shall refrain. You see, I've managed to screw many things up in the past four years and now I need to fix them before the end of this year.

1. My Gpa is CRAP. Thank you procrastinating jerk! Yeah, I mean me.

Why this is going to be bothersome? Well, I have to start applying for college and now I'm worried. But then...I was already set on a local community college before I even thought of getting accepted. It will only cost $2,000 dollars a semester. Hence the already decided. Though I might throw an application towards my local university just to see if I COULD get in if it turns out that the community is awful. Which I doubt. My madre went there.

2. The four dozen friends I've fought with and no longer talk to.

And many other things besides that I won't go into.

On the bright side, Fall is almost here! I love fall. Halloween. Marching Band. Leaf Piles. It's all good.

So, I apologize to myself for screwing some things up. I also applaud myself because I know that somehow I'll find the ability to drag myself out of it. xD

Tamora Pierce

I've vaguely mentioned one Tamora Pierce on here a few times, but really have not given her the due she deserves. So here goes:

"TAMORA PIERCE IS MY HERO!"

Seriously, she writes amazing books. I've only read her series set in Tortall, but she has many other books.

She is so amazing that she is tied with Robin McKinley for my favorite author. That's right book snobs! My two favorite authors are the authors of high flying awesome fantasy books with butt kicking heroines of light! Bah, I say to those who frown upon a good fantasy book. Bah, I say to those who label with teen fiction and labels! A fantasy can be just as life changing as a dystopian or 'self help' book.

Now, I point you to both their livejournals/blogs that are on my page. -->

Trials And Tribulations

Hour and a half drive to Chattanooga to look at the car lots today. This time with my 20-year-old scraggly bearded all knowing brother.

The drive up there alone was a terrifying ordeal. He doesn't know how to use his blinkers. Or his breaks. Did I say an hour and a half? Take into account Driving of Terror! then it makes it about 45 minutes. Finally, we arrive at the car lot. Seedy looking place with even seedier looking salesmen. Eating crack donuts. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Anyhow, seedy looking place that has the car of my dreams. Ford Fusion, charcoal colored with black leather interior and tricked out with awesome-ness.

Me: "That's the car I want!"

Brother: "Shhh! Pretend like you hate it. We want it cheap."

Salesmen: "Hey Pretty Lady, don't mind as I flash me teeth at you and oggle your brother. RAWR!"

Me: ........

The conversation continued on for this strain for awhile. With the salesmen and my brother trying to out-impress each other with made up information about non-existent cars. As this was going on a giant storm brewed above us. Crashing lightening. High Winds. Pelting Rain. The whole nine-yardage. So we decide to call it quites for the day and head onwards. ( Going back tomorrow to drool over unattainable dream car.)

Amidst this Storm we have to stop and get gas because we've put it off and are now running purely on fumes. Brother waits until he finds gas station that looks decently trashy and pulls over. By this time the wind is blowing the rain all up under the awning and I'm getting drenched, but in I quest for the restroom! (Traveling with boys means that you get to pee a lot less than you want to.) While in there I get stared at by creepy old gas station men. Vaguely regret wearing low cut top, but not to much. Would have stared regardless because they're not looking for a date but recruiting for their cult. But it sounds better if I pretend like I'm being checked-out. *nods*

After being needlessly molested by old-creepy-gas-station eyes I run out to the car avoiding the lightening falling about me and trying to see through the torrents of rain. I rip open the car door....right into my face. I've got a great shiner.

How It Rolls

Holy Snap! is car shopping boring. I've spent several days car shopping now and it's, to be plain, a turd. You heard me. I mean, you have all these middle-aged-bright-toothed men baring there teeth and shaking your hand. The instinct to mace them is almost overwhelming. If I saw someone with hair that bad and teeth that glaring anywhere else, then I'd run-run-away. (What's with all the hyphens?) But seeing as it's at a car dealership. It's all good.

I was looking at the Kia Optima today and listening to the salesmen's spiel ( In this case skinny little boy with spiky hair. Reminded of a Jack Russel for some reason.)

His home run line? "Your insurance is to going to be because there are so few thefts of Kias,"

My mother's low toned mumble? "Cause they're freakin' ugly!"

She got a pretty big kick out of that. Nobody's going to want to steal your car. Buy it Starr! *coughs* Ugly *coughs*

Also up for the car running is the Hyndai Elantra and the Toyota Scion. Though I might balk at the ridiculous price of economical cars and buy something more decently priced. Ridiculous.

Cory Doctorow

Www.Craphound.com is Cory Doctorow's Page that has news etc. about his books.

You can also go there to freely download his books instead of buying them. I know! Awesome-ness, indeed.

What I know of Cory Doctorow is pretty awesome. He's a big supporter of the Creative commons License. Which, from what I've been able to gather, is that intellectual property should have no cost. For similiar infomoratin I point you to the Electronic Frontier Foundation. (Which, from what I've been able to gather, is a bunch of paranoid people fighting for the rights of everyone. Seriously, they're pretty cool. Extreme sometimes? Maybe. Right most of the time? Probably.)

Cory is also an administrator (contributor?) at www.boingoing.org . It's just plain random most of the time, but you find out some pretty awesome stuff.

The Man or the Government?

It seems that I only get on the nets in the wee hours of the morning. I apologize for any incoherence because of this. All else fails wait until the wee hours of the morning to READ it. Then you'll be able to read it due to 'Wee-Morn-Hour-Filter'.

I continue. Okay, I skived off on really saying anything about Fahrenheit 451 yesterday...or whenever that was, but I knew I'd come back and say something about it eventually. I liked it too much not too. xD

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Guy Montag spends his life in happy oblivion. There's no reason not too thanks to the American way of living. Reality TV, fast cars, propaganda, sleeping pills/drugs. Everything to keep you oblivious right at your fingertips.

But then Guy meets Clarisse. A seventeen-year-old girl who turns his life upside down by looking at the stars and telling him that once there was a time when people just sat. Sometimes people would sit and talk or not talk and that was that. Other times those people would sit and think. Thinking.

Written more than fifty years ago this book is set in a disturbingly familiar setting. You guessed it. Bradbury manages to hit what society was coming to right on the head. In the future no one reads anymore. Because people don't read the government decides to take one step further and burn objectionable books. The Bible, Thoreau, Poe, Hamlet...all burned by the fireman. No outcry is made because only a few are left that love books.

So what's scarier? The government taking over or the people not caring?

->This really emphasizes the importance of philosphy and literature in life and what could happen if we cast it all aside. There isn't a way you can read it without thinking deep. Bradbury is just awesome like that.

Oh, Dystopians

And just like that a bunch of times passes. Helped by my outrageous sleeping habits.

Just finished Farenheit 451 and it is awesome. One of the best dystopians I've ever read, but then that's not saying too much. I've not read terribly many. Off the top of my head:

1.1984 by George Orwell

From the man who brought you Animal Farm. This is a great book that everyone needs to read. You hear it alluded to a lot in media etc. It's a bitch to read though. Some parts are just boring. BUT I did like it by the time I got to the end. I'm just not going to reread it anytime soon.

2.Brave New World by A. Huxley

Bumbumbum!! The future as it would be genetically altered. With cloning technology and whatnot on the rise it's another one that everyone should read. Plus, it's a better and smoother read than Orwell's ^. What's more important? Happiness or humanity?

3.Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood

So worth it. Excellent read.

4.The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Anotherone by Atwood that is also worth it. What would happen if we were to return to our 'foundation' beliefs? Tis about what would happen in a world that returns to it's Christian roots only way too literally. Remember: Some of the Bible needs to be interpretated metaphorically.

5.Little Brother by Cory Doctorow

Posted a review on it a while back. It's good. Go read the review. ( If you like the sci-fi scene then you should go check out his book Overclocked.

6.World War Z by Max Brooks

Think Zombies. It's about what would happen if zombie-ism was wide spread all over the world. It does really well with making it a political problem. The way he lays it out is surprisingly realistic for a zombie book. Comes in the form of short stories about the same happening. Recommended.

7.The House of the Scorpion by Farmer

An introductory to dystopian thinking for children. I read this when I was about 12 and I got it easily. So if your honing the paranoia and critical thinking of someone younger....

8.Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

I'm sure you've all heard of this one. Ender, our protagonist, is taken as a boy to a 'space camp' that's really in space. It's where they train kids for a military that fights aliens etc. Great for you space-y peeps.

9.Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Just finished this one about three hours ago. Out of these nine it's a favorite.

From the back cover: "Guy Montag was a fireman whose job it was to start fires. And he enjoyed his job. He had been a fireman for ten years, and he had never questioned the pleasure of the midnight runs or hte joy of watching pages consumed by flames, never questioned anything until he met a seventeen-year-old girl who told him of a past when people were not afriad. Then guy met a professor who told him of a future in which people could think. And Guy montag suddenly realized what he had to do...."




So, go forth and dystopia-ize.

Summer

It says I posted nine days ago...Oh please, NO! Why the hell is summer so freaking long. So painfully dull. Add uber nazi parents to the equation and you have me sitting in various places and hoping for an untimely death. Hooha.