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Over the past year and a half I have had to learn what neighbors were. Close neighbors that when you look out your window you look into their apartments.
My apartment complex is built with four buildings in a square. Each building has three floors and two studio apartments per floor (Tall and skinny, hence Tower Apartments). And I would say there's probably...ten feet between my window and my neighbors. So unfortunately, if my living room--slash bedroom slash dining room--window is open and so is theirs, then we get to see what each other is doing. This generally results in my blinds being down 90% of the time.
That percentage used to be much lower until...THE NAKED EXERCISE BALL MAN! Imagine my surprise last winter when I walk to my window, open the blinds, and then am confronted with a rather hairy buttocks bent over an exercise ball. Who the hell leaves their blinds open when they are unclothed?! Who uses exercise balls naked?!
My reaction to this was to double take, look apalled, look even more apalled, and then to throw myself away from my window and make Tyler close it for me. He insists that he saw no exercise man, but I'm assuming this is because naked dude moved out of sight. Why do I assume this? Guess.
You got it. He has made multiple appearances. And though I had hoped of his moving far far away to a nudist gym, he is still here. I saw him a few weeks ago. If I'm not mistaken he was holding a bag of popcorn. I wish I was making this up, but unfortunately....
All of this being blinded by lifting the blinds has resulted planning different ways to keep Naked Dude from opening his blinds. The best one I've come up with is to get a glass stink pellet (Can you still get those at dollar stores?) and use a blow gun (Hey, I was 15. They were cool then.) to shoot the pellet at his window. It will be so stinky he will have to close his window and hopefully his blinds. I am giving him one last chance to get some gym shorts. Then it's stinky time for his window.
On a less creepy note: I've become to be more accepting of the craziness that comes from having too much time to talk to yourself. I've made scarves, read a lot, and sometimes I even watch TV.
2 comments:
May I just say that if I had innocently opened my blinds only to find a hairy male butt in the window, my eyes would have begun Operation Self Combustion. You clearly have a stronger constitution. Also, the kind of people who leave their blinds open whilst they are unclothed are the kind of people who enjoy being seen in the nude. i.e., Nudists.
Maybe if you leave him an anonymous note telling him that he could use a wax on his cellulite-laden butt, he will be so ashamed he'll close his blinds in future.
Or he'll make a point of strutting his stuff even more.
Stink pellets are probably a safer bet.
I hate to admit this, but it never occurred to me that he wanted people to see him naked.
I feel like I'm wise to the ways of the world, and then it is made obvious that I am very unsure of them.
Nudist. Huh.
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