My Cogs Are Loose

(Well, the tea dilemma I had previously has been solved! Okay, it was never really an issue. The factor that solves this for me is a general lack of funds. Any extra funds I may be hiding in the bottom of my socks are engaged in buying Christmas presents. So if I DO get tea in the near future, it will be from Adagio because I have a $10 gift certificate for being a loyal customer. Take that Teavana with your fancy cups and tiny little tea tasting machines!)

It has come to my attention that I've gradually became insane. There are several kinds of insane, so let me detail what mine entails! Continuing narcissism of a blog is one of them (though, originally this blog was for being able to put my thoughts out in a form comprehensive to others, and it's doing it's job. So narcissistic or intellectual? Who knows. Hopefully a mixture of both, and not all of the former.)Next, I seem to have accidentally become a hermit. I've always been a bit of a homebody who valued privacy above all else, but I admit that perhaps I've taken it a bit too far. I just haven't found anyone who can appreciate silence. I would love to have someone who can just do their thing while I'm reading and drinking tea. Sometimes it's just nice to have a living breathing human who accepts who you are in the room with you. But I would like that without abrasive detailed conversations about who is sexing who*.

Which brings me to Tyler. I generally try to avoid talking about Tyler on here in respect for his privacy, but he won't mind if I talk a weeee bit about him. I love him. Tyler is the nicest person I have ever met. He always thinks the best of humanity. This is nice, because I tend to think the worst and make plans how to fix it. (Which oddly enough all include massive amounts of reading books that accentuate chivalry. Like Tamora Pierce series...What?! Everyone would benefit!)

A lot of my reclusive tendencies have to do with him not being up here with me this semester. He is my best friend. When we're together he can just sit there with his shoulder against mine, and not say anything. And I am so happy.

When I first started staying up here by myself it took me forever to get used to falling asleep without the sound of video games in the background. Once I thought it was a vague nuisance, and now I would very much like to have the sound of Dragon Age rumbling in the background and be able to look over and see him smiling at me.

A lot of our dates have been outdoors-y. Tyler isn't quite as outdoorsy as I am.For lack of a better descriptor...He's a gamer and spends his time reading and doing things not in the sunlight --He has lovely pale skin that looks wonderful with his dark drown hair--. He is also a bug magnet(It works well for me, none of the bugs bother me because they're busy eating him alive). I, like Clark Kent, am powered by sunlight. (See, I was raised in the creek. I can trip over a straight hallway, but my balance is superior on slippery creek rocks. Go figure. My mother has a strong Cherokee heritage-- I am jealous of her cheeks and ability to tan--and I've always attributed her tendency drag us around outside all over the woods when we were younger to this.*) But regardless of his aversion to being eaten alive and slipping on rocks, most of our dates the first year of our relationship were spent hiking or walking at the park. The level of awesome-sweetness that must have went into that is astounding.


I think the ability to just be with someone and know that they love you and you love them is underrated. I didn't fully appreciate it at one point, and not having Tyler around was like breaking off a piece of who I am.  I carry this niggling unsettled feeling around with me now, like there's cogs loose inside that rattle about when I think.  The only time it goes away is when I'm with him.

*So sorry about that segue, please do read it with non-shifty connotations.
*My father has a strong Irish heritage, hence my particularly pasty palor in perpetuity.