The Past vs. What I'm Doing Now

Soooo, I was rereading some old journal entries and reliving some of my teenage years.

Then: I wanted to fight everything loudly yet underground with the help of fellow rebels. Things largely consisting of government control and injustices to the impoverished.

Now: I want to fight illiteracy and hunger.

Then: I wanted to live romantically abroad and eat olives on Italian verandas with my partners in rebellious crime.

Now: I want to EAT REAL FOOD in the yard of a small house with a couple of acres of yard complete with garden and chickens.

Question: What happened? I don't feel like I've lost anything except for some weird urge to be difficult. I still want to fight for change, but by helping and teaching. I still want my romantic veranda, but home is where I want it. Is this aging? I'm only twenty for good grief and holy romans sake!

Perhaps, living in the STUDIO APARTMENT OF SUCK has just caused me to realize how much I love my life and family back at the living place.

It has also occurred to me that being politically active is HARD. It turns out that not very many people really give a damn. So, you can't just ride along with an incited crowd and pull a lever and all the abortion clinics morph into soup kitchens. Go figure!

My political activism has been rather melted down to keeping informed about the latest debacle to happen to the education programs and trying to protest the stupidity of the latest one.

Forgive my extreme lame and boringness. I'm having issues typing with my fourteen year old self making scowly faces at me from the back of my mind. She's all dressed in black and carrying around gothic romances. She frightens me a little, but I want to hug her. Weird....